All you professors who said I would never amount to anything. All you customers who cursed me under your breath as you waited for your next Vicodin fix, the pharmacy manager who once made an issue of the fact I didn't put a rubber band around the day's completed prescriptions until the end of my shift, prepare to eat some major crow baby. Word comes in today's mail that I, ME! Have been named by the Consumers' Research Council of America as one of "America's Top Pharmacists" I shit you not.
The selection process, according to the letter, "is based on a point value system that awards points for education, years in practice, and affiliations with professional pharmaceutical related organizations and associations" Once I read that, it was obvious how my 5 year Bachelor of Science in Pharmacy degree, (most pharmacists today have a 6-year Doctor of Pharmacy) my years of service to the profession that would put me a little short of halfway through an average career, and my lack of membership in any professional organization or association whatsoever would put me on their radar screen.
I hope I remember to thank all the little people in my acceptance speech.
The main benefit of being named one of America's "Top Pharmacists" seems to be the opportunity to commemorate the event by buying a "museum quality award" that will "preserve the accomplishment for a lifetime." There are several plaques and table top awards to choose from, ranging from the $149 "Reflection Series" to the top of the line "Presidential Series" for a mere $229. A small price to pay really for what the letter says "is more than a decoration.....it connotes respect and credibility"
Who the fuck actually buys these? Is there actually some beaten down retail pill pusher who's been taking customer shit for so long that he needs to buy a fake plaque to respect him when no one else will? The only emotion that runs higher than the disgust at having my intelligence insulted in such a way is the jealousy that comes from not having thought of this way to make a few bucks first.
Although it does say there's a 10% discount for multiple orders......
2 comments:
Hmmm, I'd like to be a top pharmacist. I never got any trophies in school for winning basketball games or crossing finish lines first at track meets.
Wow. This pharmacist plaque would really be something to show off.
Granted I don't have have the qualifications you do. But I've been in the pharmacy on several occasions.
And I'm quite sure I'd look spiffy in that white coat you people wear.
Yes, I'd like a plaque...a really big one that says, Natalie Is The Greatest on it.
That's all.
Congratulations!
You have been selected as one of the top Canadians with links on my blog.
You will receive in commemoration the most luxurious plaque 10% of the money you send me will buy.
Although in reality, your check would probably just sit on my desk until it is unearthed much later.
I probably wouldn't be very good at this.
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